Documents

(Slightly modified, original by Dylan Blanset)

Moff Jerjerrod: Lord Bulb, this is an unexpected change. We're honored by your illumination.
Darth Bulb: You may dispense with the pleasantries, Commander. I'm here to put me back in my socket.
Moff Jerjerrod: I assure you, Lord Bulb, my electricians are working as fast as they can.
Darth Bulb: Perhaps I can find new ways to illuminate them.
Moff Jerjerrod: I tell you, this flood light will be operational as planned.
Darth Bulb: The Burnt Bulb does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation.
Moff Jerjerrod: But he asks the impossible. I need more electricians.
Darth Bulb: Then perhaps you can tell him when he arrives.
Moff Jerjerrod: The Burnt Bulb is coming here?
Darth Bulb: That is correct, Commander. And he is most displeased with your apparent lack of illumination.
Moff Jerjerrod: We shall double our changes.
Darth Bulb: I hope so, Commander, for your sake. The Burnt Bulb is not as forgiving as I am.

(Credit to CmdrMitthrawnuruodo)

In A.D 2002 news was beginning.
Random news-drone: What happen?
Me: Someone set up us the scanner.
Me: We get printer.
Viewpoint Editor: What?
Me: Main screen turn on.
Viewpoint Editor: It's Ford.
Ford: How are you editor?
Ford: All your page are belong to us.
Ford: You are on the way to production.
Viewpoint Editor: What you say?
Ford: You have no chance to submit make your time.
Ford: Ha ha ha!

(Credit to me and Justin, original dialogue copyright whoever made Zero Wing)

Challenger: hi
Mr. Armageddon (me): dan!
Me: nah, can't be
C: i'm not dan.
Me: i know.
Me: he's anti-commie
C: i do not know who you are talking about.
Me: then who be you
C: a communist.
Me: besides the obvious, i mean
C: but that is all that matters, is it not?
Me: i seek your appelation. then i may sleep soundly
C: if you give up your possessions for the common good, then perhaps i may tell you.
Me: i am the common good
C: how so?
Me: i have conquered the universe. all do my bidding, all is owned by me
Me: so that won't be necessary
C: ah, then why have i not seen any poster of you anywhere?
Me: because you're still under the lingering effects of mind control
C: anyone who has managed to conquer the universe, must want some publicity.
C: i am not.
Me: i am not yet known to the world, but the world is my puppet
Me: you are so, but you did not know it
C: you must be awfully stupid to not let the world that you rule know you
Me: ah but that's the beauty of it all
no, it is not.
i own the world through mind control. no one knows they are but my unknowing minions
C: you are not able to get anyone to do as you please.
Me: you are doing as i please right now
C: i am not.
Me: but you are
C: then what is it?
Me: you are being told by the recesses of your controlled mind to argue with me over trivial matters
Me: for my own amusement
C: how is this trivial?
C: you say you own the world, yet you have not given me any valid proof.
Me: it is trivial because it does not compare to ruling the earth
Me: i have given you plenty of valid proof
C: no.
Me: you're under mind-control. i took over the world years ago, but no one realized it because i triggered the control device at the same moment that my revolution was successful
C: if my mind is controlled, i do not know the truth. so you must stop controlling my mind, then i will believe you.
Me: you seek to undermine the system. you disappoint me, i am not so easily manipulated
C: i only seek the truth and the good for common man.
C: and to know the truth, you must stop controlling my mind.
Me: the truth you have just been told. good for the common man is being provided by me
Me: as is good for the common woman
C: i do not trust you, so i do not trust your truth.
Me: you do trust me. but you do not realize it
C: and if good for the common woman has been provided, why is george bush president and not a woman?
C: i do not trust you.
Me: george is a pawn
Me: i told you everyone is under mind control
Me: how many times must i repeat it?
C: well take it off of me.
Me: the american election was one thing that i had not forseen
Me: but fortunately, george is not intelligent
Me: and easily manipulated
C: well, you saw the candidates.
Me: and no, i cannot take it off of you
C: but why not?
Me: because you would be a threat to my domination of the world
Me: and then i would be forced to kill you
C: i do not fear death.
Me: on the other hand, you can wait for me to release everyone
Me: and then live with knowledge
Me: that no one will believe
Me: either way, i covertly own the world
C: again, i do not care if people believe me or not.
C: not again.
Me: then it is settled
C: so, take it off of me.
Me: no, i told you that i cannot
C: no, you did not.
Me: yes i did
Me: see the above
Me: all this culminates to proving that i am the common good, and therefore i have already given my worldly posessions. now tell me who you are
C: i know you will still own the world. i know that you will have to kill me. if you don't, the i'll be forced to live with no one who will believe me. none of that bothers me.
C: i have no proof of your "mind controlling" powers.
Me: you cannot have proof, your mind will not accept it
C: why not?
Me: you could not accept it yourself more than i could convince you that you are indeed mind controlled
C: so i am not mentally strong enough to handle it?
Me: don't take it badly, no entity is
C: perhaps i am different.
Me: you are not
C: one moment.
Me: granted
C: back
C: and i am different
C: "from childhood's hout i have not been as others were - i have not seen as others saw - i could not bring my passions from a common spring"
Me: what quote you?
C: and perhaps i finally see a demon in my view.
C: ah, you should know.
Me: yet i do not
C: do not what?
Me: is your attention span shorter than 15 seconds?
C: quite.
Me: i was asking the origin of your quote
C: edgar allan poe.
C: i thought you meant something else, forgive me.
Me: i was not familiar with that certain quote
Me: which piece?
C: then you have not read enough of mr. poe's excellent writing.
C: "alone"
Me: i have read much of it
Me: that i have not read
C: i suggest you read it so you do not get confused with the other comment i made.
C: i'm quite sorry to hear that.
Me: so says Lao Tzu: "Confusion is the way"
C: lao tzu was an ass.
Me: Lao Tzu was a philosopher
Me: You think perhaps of Sun Tzu
C: i think the same of both of them.
Me: I could accuse you of bigotry
C: yes, you could.
C: but give me a reason that i care.
Me: But I shall not, for you seem the cultured kind
C: that i am.
Me: Indeed
C: you still have not recieved a name.
Me: And I shall still pursue my goal
C: then do pursue.
Me: Shall I ask simply? What is your name?
C: you tried that.
Me: Not quite in the same fashion
Me: I'll take that as a 'no'
C: yes
Me: You previously stated that I would be given a name if I gave up all my worldly posessions. Therefore I offer you a hypothetical situation: If I were not the ruler of the world and indeed gave up my human materialistic urges, how would you know that I had done so?
C: i do not know, as i am under your control. you would most likely not let me know.
Me: Are you familiar with the term 'hypothetical?'
C: yes, i am.
C: i would only know if you told me or showed me.
Me: In the hypothetical situation that I am not ruler of the worlkd, is what I stated. Now attempt to answer
C: i would put on a party hat like the jehova's witnesses and celebrate your wishes to be a member of the proletariat party.
Me: That's quite nice and all, but that was not the question I asked. I inquired to how you would know that I had indeed left my belongings to the better good of humanity, and not just said so.
C: i'm quite aware, but that comment amused me.
C: i thought you might have a sense of humor, but apparently not.
Me: The comment was amusing
C: i told you earlier.
Me: But I was not in the humorous mood at the time. I was in the inquisitive mood. I still am in the inquisitive mood.
C: i said that you would have to tell me, or show me.
Me: I can tell you anything you want
C: yes, you can.
Me: Whether or not it's true needs verifying
Me: My inquisitive mood needs appeasing. Perhaps you will agree to a trade
C: yes.
C: perhaps.
Me: The first letter of your name for the last letter of mine, and we work our way across
C: okay, then. except i do know your name.
Me: I figured as much, since you're the one who initiated conversation
Me: Will you then yield your advantage and let me know your name?
C: my name is fidela.
Me: The first thing that comes to mind is Fidel
C: yes, i know.
Me: I assume by the ending letter of your name that you are female
C: of course.
Me: You said that you know my name. Might I ask for proof?
C: would you like your first and last name?
Me: If you could provide it
C: kevin lecun
Me: Very good
C: yes.
Me: Now please satiate my curiosity and tell me your name, for I know no Fidelas
C: i know that.
C: no
Me: Then tell me, omnipotent being, what is your name?
C: before i tell you that, you ought to consider being a lawyer.
C: then you can rot in hell.
Me: You're not the first to have said that
Me: I'm honored
Me: Yet hell I do not believe in
C: you ought to be as it is what i am told quite often.
C: i know that.
Me: So will you appease my curiosity?
C: one hint: do you like windex?
C: good night
Me: i should have noticed the use of punctuation
Me: ASHA!!!!!!!
C: thats correct.
C: lol.
Me: lol
Me: i'm so damn evil
Me: *saves the convo*

It was several months ago when we first asked ourselves the question: How do mermaids reproduce? We debated for awhile but reached no unified conclusion. It was split between two groups: the Egg-Laying group and the Sex group. Both sides had evidence to support their claims and evidence against the other side. The following lists several of the finalized and/or unaccepted theories.

The Sex side believed mermaids were too hot to just lay eggs. It wouldn't be right for a species of which the members were so beautiful to not have human sex. Another arguement was the fact that mermaids had bellybuttons, and thus had umbilical cords. Only mammals have bellybuttons.

The Egg side (the side I was on) argued that the place where the reproductive organ on the mermaid would be located is in/on the fishtail part. It would therefore also be fishlike and the mermaid would lay eggs. Also, pregnant mermaids are never seen, leading us to believe that mermaids did indeed lay eggs and fertilize externally.

After many weeks of getting nowhere, Mark and I (the geniuses) formed a compromise theory. Mermaids had a mating ritual once a year for a period of 2-5 days, where they would shed the tails and have humanlike sex. The tail would then grow back. The incubation period for developing embryos would be a full year, lasting until the next mating ritual, where the pregnant mermaid would give birth instead of having sex.

A second theory was proposed, to explain the fact that mermales are rarely, if ever seen. The male of the mermaid species is in fact a parasite living inside the female, periodically spermating the female so that she can lay eggs or give live birth. This theory works both ways.

Okay, any idiot answer this question: when you're floating in the rocket and everyone begins to sink, hot molten magma envelops everyone except you and your best friend's hot pink furless molerat fat, which is neatly wrapped in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. What do you get when you stare into the abyss of the hot pinkness and the jellyfish squeals: Eye eye, el capitan! Save my cherries!........................ this is exactly why only idiots bother to answer.